I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
