omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
