life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We talked him into tasing himself.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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