big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
