So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
