i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
