You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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