is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
