if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
