Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just blew my weed a kiss
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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