you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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