Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
