HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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