why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize