And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
