i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
as a side note pls kill me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
