New invention idea: vibrating tampons
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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