I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just invented taco cereal.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
