Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
