I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
