I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize