my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
