I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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