found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize