Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
