I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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