brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
