soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He did a backflip because drugs
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