Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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