Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
