I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
