then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
