That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
