had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize