Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The air taste purple.
Randomize
