Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
