This is not my ceiling
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
