omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
