hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
