Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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