Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
