she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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