we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He passed out mid-signature
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
