we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
