how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
