Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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