I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
