My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
only you would photoshop your dick
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
