Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize