how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
