I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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