I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
