I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
