Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize