evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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