why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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