A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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