Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
