Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
