I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
