Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
