Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize