my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
