how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
