He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
