I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
