I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
