Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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